Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
