Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My bed smells like the plague
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
