Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
