i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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