I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
