Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
