Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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