He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
