laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
