this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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