If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I booty called her while she was in labor.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
