If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
