My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
