In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
