he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
