I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
