Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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