we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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