I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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