Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I believe in your delicious
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
