I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
