I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
