I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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