So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
