i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
