brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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