Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Still dying that you shit outside
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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