dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
