I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
