I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think your dad took our porno
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
