She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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