i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
