You're my little dorito
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
