definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
