Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
