god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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