she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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