My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
