There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
