I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sobbing to NWA
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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