I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
