Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
