its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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