This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
