Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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