dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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