just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
