Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
