**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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