i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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